Coffee Break
by Nightengale
Summary: Myfanwy gets some coffee and havoc ensues with our poor torchwood team. --Written before CoE, just a bit of fun!---


Jack came back from a rather nice chase with a weevil and two cans of hairspray, that had been interesting, to find himself crouched behind the tiny coffee table to avoid a positively frantic pterodactyl.

"You all right, Jack?" Gwen asked from under Tosh's work station.

He lifted his head to answer only to be forced down again by a screech and a dinosaur beak reaching perilously close to his hands.

"What the hell is going on?" He shouted under the table toward Gwen.

"Ask Ianto!" Gwen said, clearly suppressing a grin.

Jack looked from under the table toward his office where Ianto was crouched in the doorway. Ianto glared quickly at Gwen then looked over at Jack. He raised his eyebrows at Ianto.

"Ianto, am I going to be angry or amused by the story you are about to tell me?" he asked, laying his hands flat on the floor.

"I'd go with amused," Ianto replied after a pause.

Across from Jack, Gwen snorted a laugh into her hand. Ianto cleared this throat loudly and she stopped, just barely.

"Myfanwy was in a friendly mood today and while I was feeding her I may have given her some coffee."

"May have?" Jack said.

"Did."

"A whole mug!" Gwen giggled.

"She quite seemed to like it," Ianto said, dead pan.

Jack blinked slowly, "So, you're telling me our pterodactyl is hoped up on caffeine?"

"Yep!" Gwen said leaning back on a leg of the desk above her.

"And we think she wants more," Ianto added. "Every time we try to get up she swoops down again."

Jack pursed his lips, "That would explain why I had to run for cover."

"Very good dive, sir, by the way," Ianto said.

"Thank you."

"Gents?"

Jack and Ianto looked over at Gwen. She pointed up and they all looked up at Myfawny circling above them. They could see she kept turning her beak down to peer at them in a very vulture-like way.

"So, we need to subdue her," Jack said creeping slowly across the floor toward Ianto.

"How?" Gwen said, "Every time we move she tries to see if we taste like coffee."

"I could make her another cup..." Ianto said.

Jack shot him a glare and Gwen burst out laughing.

"Ok, we have that big needle," Jack started.

"I think the big needle trick only works once, Jack," Ianto said.

"What about your chocolate thing?" Jack said, "It almost worked last time."

"Give it sugar to calm it down?" Gwen said and threw a pen at Jack. "Aren't you supposed to be coming up with good ideas, Jack?"

"She does like dark," Ianto said peeking his head out of Jack's office a bit more.

Jack poked his head up again looking at Gwen, "And have you even tried it. At least I'm thinking of things, Gwen!"

A new screech echoed suddenly through the hub as Myfanwy swooped down close to Jack again.

"All right!" Jack shouted up at the dinosaur. "I don't think I much look like coffee or chocolate no matter how delicious I am!"

She screeched in reply.

"It must be love," Gwen muttered.

"Ok, new plan!" Jack said jumping up. "Make for my office, Gwen, now!"

"Not a good idea!" Ianto shouted, scooting back on his haunches into Jack's office.

"Wait, what!?" Gwen shouted looking up in surprise.

Jack jumped over the table, grabbed Gwen's wrist and hauled her up. Myfanwy screeched and swooped down at them. Luckily Jack was quicker and tumbled them both through the door of his office bashing into the desk. Ianto slammed the door behind them just at the pterodactyl came within reach so her beak smacked into the door instead with a crunch.

"Well..." Ianto said looking down at them, "That seemed to work somewhat well for you."

"Ow," Gwen groaned, "please get off me, Jack."

Jack grinned wickedly down at her for a moment then stood up and held out a hand to help her up which she grudgingly took.

"So, now that we're in a more secure location..." Jack said.

"We can be trapped," Ianto finished for him.

"Nicely done, boys," Gwen said hoping up to sit on the edge of Jack's desk.

Ianto huffed. "It was Jack's idea."

"Because you were already in the office," Gwen said with a smirk.

Ianto just raised an eyebrow at her.

"Play nice kids," Jack said.

"Never," Gwen grinned.

Ianto cleared his throat and the other two looked at him.

"So, now what?"

All three were silent. Jack looked around the office, as if to find a solution on the walls. Gwen looked down at Jack's desk which only had papers and his lamp on it at present. Strangely enough there were no half full coffee mugs in the office for once.

"How long does a caffeine high on a pterodactyl last?" Gwen asked.

"Good question," Jack said.

A sudden slam against the door made them all jump and look out the window of the office. They saw a blur of wings flash by and heard something out in the hub fall.

"I guess we are going to find out," Ianto said.

Twenty minutes later Jack was sitting on the floor with his back against the desk, Ianto lying on the floor beside him with his head in Jack's lap and Gwen sitting cross legged in the middle of his desk looking down at them.

"I thought she was going to eat me alive, not literally I mean. Well, maybe literally in some way and she had spots down the sides of her body all the way to her toes. It made you think of a cheetah in human form."

"You're talking about trills on star trek, Jack," Gwen said.

"Where do you think Roddenbbery got the idea?" Jack quipped, looking up at her.

Gwen's mouth hung open. Ianto just snorted and put his hand over his eyes.

"Anyway, she could do this thing with her legs as well-"

Ianto cut him off, "I have a feeling we don't want to hear this."

"Oh, would you rather try it?" Jack said looking down at Ianto.

"Still in the room," Gwen said dropping Jack's cup of pens on the two of them.

Jerking his head away Ianto sat up and tossed two of the pens right back at Gwen. Gwen pulled her arm back to chuck another when they all heard a clatter and what sounded very much like a 'flop' outside in the hub. The three looked at the door, looked at each other, then all stood up. Cautiously Ianto opened the door and they peeked out. Up near the ceiling they could see the edge of a wing in Myfanwy's perch.

"How I love the caffeine crash," Jack said smugly.

"Finally," Gwen said stepping out of the office. "I was afraid I might actually hear about all your sexual escapades."

"Oh, that would take more time than that pterodactyl could ever give." Jack replied with a grin.

"I'm sure," Ianto said with an eyebrow raise.

"Ok!" Jack said brightly, clearly changing the subject. "New staff memo: no coffee for the pterodactyl."

"Quite," Gwen added.

"Noted," Ianto said with a glare at both.

"Though, you know, speaking of coffee..." Jack said.

Gwen and Ianto groaned.


End file.
